New Boobies for Crimbo

Its been a while since I last wrote plenty of things happening never a dull moment as they say.   Well lets talk about my boobs for a change    As I was saying in previous posts I am currently getting “pumped” (injected with Saline) on my right boob to expand it enough to put in the implant.   This process is “a little uncomfortable” I mean whats comfortable about someone injecting a big huge fecking syringe into your chest I try not to look at it, but its hard not to its so bloody big.

Around three weeks ago I had a pump and it was my Mam’s birthday but due to car troubles had to bus it into hospital so couldn’t pop up to say Happy Birthday to her. Instead Dad and herself came down to meet me after my pump.   We were sitting having a coffee and ’ phone rang it was my brother Colly wishing her Happy Birthday she was saying (loudly) “we are in Vincent’s with Dee she just got a blow job” well I nearly spat my coffee out and my Father didn’t know where to look,  I was like “Mam think you got that one wrong” she was in knots laughing and I could hear my brother laughing too!!  Got a few odd stares from people in the café as we were laughing so much. Was a classic as someone said I must have the top-level VHI to be getting blow jobs in Vinnies!

That day while getting a “blow job” I was asking the doctor when I would be getting the implant she was really blasé and I thought condescending she was saying it will take a few more pumps and what was my hurry?  Easy for her to say what was my effing hurry it’s not her walking around the place with only one…… didn’t care for her much I must say.   In came my “real” doctor and the original doctor sort of laughed and said “Deirdre was wondering if she could have her new boob by Christmas” (very sarcastically I must say) my Doc said I don’t think that would be a problem let me check the schedule.   Wahoooooo she said no problem we will schedule you in for early December.   I was chuffed with myself and I must admit a big smug with the first doctor ….. ha ha ha told you so, told you so, nah nah nah nah nah nah, take that!!   I then asked what would be the schedule of getting Floppy Fiona reduced to match up with the new one,  how much longer would that be after Crimbo?  The most beautiful words then came out of her mouth I will do the two of them on the same day for you.    I nearly hugged her I was fecking thrilled I thought the whole process was going to take at least another three to four months.   So looks like I will be getting a new pair for Christmas    Dancer and Prancer were names suggested.

So 11th December is the big day for the girls, one getting an implant and the other reduced and lifted to match the new one.   So far in this I have been really lucky as there is a high failure rate but I’m not going to think about that and my Doc said as well (she is very like me) let’s go with the flow and I am sure everything will be grand.    Will be a few weeks recovering as can imagine will be quite sore after, so better get shopping early this year.

Week after that was feeling extremely sick, like a really bad bug with severe tummy pains, made my way to the docs and she said I was so dehydrated that she didn’t know how I was actually sitting talk to her.   I had to go to hospital straight away, Jonas  came home from work and brought me in.   On the trolley in Naas A&E (where I was just over 12 months ago) they took blood samples etc. couple of hours later an Indian doctor informed me I had a “very serious UTI (urinary tract infection)” and I needed to go on IV drugs to try control it.   I was quite happy that was all it was, I wouldn’t be normal if there wasn’t a niggling doubt that this might be cancer related, even though I didn’t think so but the fear is always there.  Oh Yeehaa another shagging stay in hospital I said “will I be here for a while” he said “oh yes at least a few days…….” Was lucky I got off the trolley around 10pm that night to a hospital ward in the “old” hospital (which used to be a workhouse) and I swear was like moving back in time it was so old, anyway wasn’t complaining I had a bed.  Kept expecting Nurse Ratched to come over with my meds.   I got a bed in a mixed ward    Didn’t sleep a wink that night I had a snoring and coughing chorus, snore, snore, snore, cough, cough, snore, snore, snore cough cough.     I had visions of being stuck on that trolley for a few days there was some serious “heads” there.  There were two girls and every time they passed me on the trolley they were muttering “for fucks sake” and trying to entice me to talk and bitch about the place which I had no intention of.  I was the last trolley before the door so I got loads of pitying looks and comments, take care of yourself, fair play to you, best of luck etc.etc. was quite amusing.  I was in a rush to get into hospital and couldn’t find proper shoes so went in with really high ankle boots the nurse said to me after a while “emmmm I think you can take your boots of now”.

Ended up in a three bed ward with two other ladies and we had some good laughs together, you get very close to people in hospital and we shared life secrets into the early hours of the morning.    Not sure what hospital does to you but some of these ladies told me stuff and they said Jesus never told that to anyone before.  We used to have our viewing schedule ready and bought goodies for watching the XFactor or whatever was on.   Lovely, lovely ladies and the staff in the hospital were brilliant the food was actually excellent and we got well looked after.

Ended up in hospital for five days, was on IV antibiotics all the time and had to get my bloods done every day.  Getting my bloods done was a nightmare, due to the mastectomy and the lymph node removal on my right arm they can’t take blood from there,  all the veins in my left arm are shot from chemo.   Nearly cried every time I saw them, in the end I said Jesus can you not get blood from some other part of my body.  In the end I ended up with the line and port in my foot.  It could have been stuck up my arse at that stage I didn’t care as long as they didn’t keep trying veins that were broken!   Wasn’t the easiest place to have a line put in was like hop a long Cassidy.

Since then I have been taking it really handy, the infection took a lot out of me and to say I was tired was an understatement.  Literally every time I sat down I fell asleep I am really only coming around now and getting a tiny bit of energy back.   I feel really in limbo with myself at the moment I think it’s all my body has gone through and maybe this is the “calm after the storm” instead of vice-versa.  One minute I can be high as a kite and a few hours later can be really down in myself  and to be honest its driving me mad.

I have been told by a few of my new cancer buddies that this is quite normal you are go, go, go all the time and then you get a break and you feel a little low.   I am so unmotivated its unreal and concentration levels are zero maybe its just my body reacting to all the chemicals and shit that have been put through my system.   I don’t like myself this way but am giving myself til after the operation to totally kick my ass back in gear.   Very strange for a women like me to actually laze around the place its a new thing to me and even when lazing I am thinking should be doing this, that and the other and then nahhhh can do it tomorrow!!  I miss being out in the workplace, sharing ideas, wheeling and dealing with people.  I really love my kids and am enjoying spending so much time with them but I wasn’t cut out to be a full-time stay at home worker.  I have to remember though as well am still on daily medication and they are hormone tables so my body is being run by drugs so I suppose there are bound to be some mood effects with that.  Only another four years and 10 months to go 

Have had one more blow job in Vinnies and due another (my second last one) next Thursday then that’s the end of the pumping.  Also due a Mammogram next month a six month check up and I am confident that Floppy Fiona has been behaving herself and bastard cancer hasn’t seeped in there.   One good thing about being in hospital had loads of tests, CT scan, ECG and Chest X-rays so felt like my body was getting an MOT.

Good things that have happened

• Got two new lovely pair of “matching” PJ’s thanks Anne
• I got out of hospital
• Had a whale of a time at Mauleys 50th
• Got date for operation Whoppiddy fucking dooo daaaaa
• My friend Niamh had her last chemo
• My friend Linda had a scare but all turned out clear
• Met a new for coffee through this blog – thanks Joan
• Attended the Irish Cancer Society conference and met loads of my cancer chickies was a great day
• Thanks Jonas, the girls, Niall, Mairead, Anne, Mia for keeping me company in hospital

That All Folks – enjoy the rest of your weekend and keep on smiling and enjoying life.  “We are here for a good time not a long time”