Which is worse Cancer or Mice?

Seriously don’t know the answer to which is worst having cancer or knowing that there are mice in your house?  I really really really hate mice (could have a bath with a thousand spiders and it wouldn’t bother me) but mice!!!

Always seem to get mice in milestones of my life on all three pregnancies there were mice in the house.  Was more scared of the thoughts of the mice than the labour!  Weird as there were never mice when I wasnt pregnant.   Maybe the mice have come in,  firstly to piss me off and secondly to show that at the end of this mouse race something really good will become of it?  OMG could Guardian Angels be mice?  Nah didnt think so :-)  In the meantime I will listen to the little bastards in the walls and the ceiling until my exterminator brother-in-law Philip comes down with all the gear!   Mice are more on my mind at the moment than cancer.

Anyhow enough of mice!  Well my photo shoot went great was brilliant fun and great to meet all the girls and get seriously pampered.  Felt in good health the whole day and thanks Martina for lift there and back.  We were all up getting our makeup on around seven women and a few were yapping (as us women do) someone was mentioning something or other and I mentioned having breast cancer.  It was amazing four of the women were like “wow I read your blog its cool” great to know that people are reading it.  Still quite amazed people actually read it.

Photograpy by Elaine Laverty

This photo shoot meant a lot to me – it was good for my soul and well-being.  It was great to see the finished result and I looked pretty ok :-) and felt fantastic.  Its sad in a way as well it was like me earmarking a time in my life that I looked a certain way and in around ten days I will look a different way and those two boobs will never be photographed again together :-(   That makes me sad thinking about that - those two have been together a long time and are a couple!    After coming home that evening I think a lot of things started sinking in, silly things like “wow I’m sick” (you would think I would have realised that before now).  Up till now it been like one big whirlwind and one big everyone loves me club and I have enjoyed and lapped up all the love and support – felt like it was my birthday.   Photograper was the great Elaine Laverty

Was doing okay yesterday morning managed to rally the kids dropped them to school and do a bit of work.  The feeling you have is like you are just dragging yourself around from place to place and seriously not 100% with it.  Time sort of stands still and you are in a little bubble of your own.  I had one main thing to do yesterday that was to finally finish the paperwork for Medical Card.    I must say I will be so pissed off if I don’t get this.  When I wrote the covering letter I told them I had never once had a medical card and never once had one social welfare payment from the Government and that I certainly hopped that they would be able to issue me with a medical card in my circumstances.  So fingers crossed.  Its funny financials come into everything you call the hospital and say not feeling great they say pop into your GP and get a prescription for that.  Thats fine but its €50 a pop to “pop” into the GP – it all gets a bit mad.   As I said before not going to look at the financial problems they will still be there and I don’t give a mouses dropping!

I have been thinking a lot about priorities in life since getting cancer.  I am usually a dynamo work wise, can’t sit still, work like mad, everything new thing I see could be a new business venture, toss and turn in sleep thinking about new ideas or work I have on my plate.  Now I have decided that for once in my life I am going to look after ME no more martyr to myself or work – just little old me gonna get my sick ass better.   Whereas it is all about me to get better but I am getting better not only for me but for my kids.

Bit all over the place on this blog today – it matches my head space.  When I write this I don’t go back and edit it just check the spelling – otherwise nothing would get published.

Where was I?………………..oh yeah Cancer

Well last night was the worst night so far and felt very sorry for myself.  Having terrible indigestion problems and honestly I brought a new meaning to the word loud burp.  Was like a fog horn and felt my whole throat constricting trying to get air into my lungs.  Woke up at 2.25 then down to the couch to try to relax, no luck, then my worst fear I got sick, not once but twice……..now this I hate.   Felt like a sack of crap this morning, Katie the eldest did all the lunches and managed to get the other two up and moving and my brother brought them to school.   Been trying to relax ever since - will try to go aslepe after this.  So its tea and toast (beloved coffee can’t taste) actually cant taste anything any more – which probably wont make a difference to me as am a crap cook anyhow!

Logged onto PC and got a lovely message via this Blog from a lady who I didn’t know but she had read my blog.  She told me that she had breast cancer twice in same boob different cancer five years apart.  Happy as pig in shit now and gave me some great tips to help with food etc.etc.  this gave me a great boost and made me try not feel sorry for myself.   I took my i’m sorry for myself hat off – so glad I did as its pink and I hate pink!

Another friend of mine Eileen Donoghue who is a fitness instructor messaged me this

 ”i had a class of 20 ladies on sat they were in the middle of doing a kettlebell routine and moaning like fuck…they asked me why did i have the candle lighting so i told them not to stop moving the kettlebells till i told them your story and i said im lighting it every day so when im havin a stupid moan i look at the candle and get a grip. after class they all said the candle burning for you made them want to gt fitter and realise why they got up off the couch to come and train to try improve their health”

Deadly isnt it :-)

One last thing just remembered…… yesterday was in the local cafe after picking up the little one and waiting for the next one to be collected.  My first “ignoring” instance – I knew this “Mummy” knew I had cancer and I swear to God it was so obvious that she just totally avoided me – and you know what never liked her in the first place she was a right wagon – you see now I just proved it :-)

Rock on!


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22 Responses to Which is worse Cancer or Mice?

  1. Dee ,
    You are only human! The chemo is poison aimed at killing cancer and it Will. What it can’t and won’t kill is the human spirit. Chin up…you Will be well again in the future. start planning breast reconstruction as soon as you’re in the right place mentally.

    • deefed says:

      deefed says:

      October 23, 2012 at 12:49 pm (Edit)

      Hi Sinead – yes you are right take more than chemo to kill that! Chin is back up (chins!!) thank s xx

  2. Anonymous says:

    You truely are an amazing person ! Your blogs certainly give me a kick up the backside when I need it. Thank you. p.s. I hope and pray that the sickness subsides soon as I read on one of your first blogs how much you hate getting sick. x

  3. deefed says:

    Hi Sinead – yes you are right take more than chemo to kill that! Chin is back up (chins!!) thank s xx

  4. ger carroll says:

    Great blog but cant get passed the mice thing..terrified .com:-(..i might be jumping into the bed next to u later if i spot one..x

  5. Nancy says:

    I personally would prefer 10 mice in my house than one spider!! Your photo is fabulous Dee! You really are an inspiration to us all x

  6. Kerri says:

    Snakes are my demon! You get used to.the mice living in the country but I’ll never get used to snakes!

  7. Anonymous says:

    That’s a great photo …..really gorgeous !!

  8. Anonymous says:

    Wowzers firstly on the mice , they must be some kind of protector ,
    Strange how they only come in times of need. Borrow a cat, or get the girls a kitten ?
    They rare themselves pretty much?!?
    Secondly love the photo , you do look amazing and you will again . O bumped into a woman
    Who went to the same yoga class as me for yrs and I hadn’t seen her for I’d say two,
    It took me a while to recognize her ( and her me cause I looked older) but she looked better, I
    Mean 5 yrs younger and I lived he’d hair , which she proceeded to tell me was a wig and she said she’s having fun with those has a blond a brown and a red ;/))
    She’s on the mend and alls going well, Sarah she is!
    That’s Mad about the insurance policy, bonus.
    I love what Eileen is doing , I will think of you daily as I lite my oil burner too and send you positive loving vibes !!
    I’m off olive picking on thu, for two wks, this is my third year, I love the change and the labor, and crack, should be able to keep in touch with our super dooper technology , lots of love xxx

  9. Jackie mcewan says:

    Well, well, well, Dee, for a sick person, you look hot! My top tip for something to make you feel a wee bit better when you feel crap is, American ginger ale that you let go flat (better if it’s cold) and peppermint tea, the tea sounds a bit (brown rice and Woolley jumpers) but it helps to make you burp. Alan is arriving home tonight, had a chat with him last night and he sends his love…you are doing so well….Katie sounds like a sweetheart…..love jackie xx

  10. I will take photos of you any time!! Great model!

  11. Fifi says:

    Hi Deefed, I have had a brain bleed in my 20s. I now have breast cancer. Im not making excuses for the mum who ignored you, but you must understand that sometimes people just don’t know what to say. She probably feels very sorry for you, or even worse feels pity for you and totally knows that you would find that offensive. She is speechless and hence most unhelpful! When I meet someone like that, (and believe me they are out there!) I go out of my way to make eye contact, give them my biggest smile and say Hi and keep moving. It works. Hope this helps and may the battle continue, the positivity shine the light. And it that don’t work….there is plan B….

    • Deirdre says:

      Hi Fifi thanks a million for that post as it really touch a thread. The person I mentioned and you commented about I met her last week and actually gave her a big smile and she came over and sat beside me and she chatted to me for ages and was really nice. You have thrown a better light on it for me so thanks very much. Hope your doing okay with your Breast cancer thanks again for hyour post xx