D Day had dawned (or should I say DD Day)…..time to operate to remove the cancer from my body which had been thankfully contained in my boob Cancerous Chloe. Drove to the hospital to meet my sister there, I was honestly cool, calm and collected. Nothing playing in the car just me and my thoughts and no tears on the journey, I think I was ready had been fairly upset the day before.
Checked into admissions where I met another girl I know going through the same operation that day we had a big hug and a chat. As I was a bit late I think she got in before me and I was left waiting a while. Mia arrived and unfortunately no coffee as had been fasting since 12 the night before. We have a good chat think she was surprised I was so calm and we also had a good giggle checking out the fantabulous gown I would have to don and the lovely cream knee-length socks (both ended up in my suitcase on the way home bloody fairies!!). Surgeon popped in around 12 to say hello to me and to say he would see me soon was thinking Jesus hope he wasn’t out on the tear last night and had a shaky hand.
We then went up to pre-op and Mia was allowed to go with me, the nurses I must say were great characters. I was still really calm and we managed to have a good laugh with both Mia and the nurses. A friend had told me to ask for a pre-op sedative to help me relax before the operation I asked the nurse and she just laughed saying “emmmm you seriously don’t need one”. Surgeon strolled by and nurse asked if I had any questions I said yes one and asked him when I would know if my cancer had gone, he said “it is gone, it will be gone, it will be cutout all of it” I said to Mia “you got that” happy days. About to be wheeled in to pre-op said goodbye to Mia she however had to be let out so she could get the lift five floors down instead of taking the stairs – the lazy git. I was laughing saying Jesus I am getting my boob cut off and you can’t take the stairs. Wheeled into theatre a fabulous view of Dublin Bay I remember it was very cold and there was around eight people in there…. that’s the last I remember.
Woke up around 8pm I think Jonas was in the room with me reading the newspaper I remember I was all over the place and totally Ga Ga. Jonas has been fantastic in the past week and so supportive and helpful with everything. All I kept saying was “I want coke, I want coke”, he said we couldn’t as there was a small problem and they may need to operate again. It was confirmed that I had a blood clot and had to go down again. 10pm they decided to operate at 630 next morning and I was brought my tea and toast and my coke! The doctor did mention something about fasting I vaguely remember, Jonas went home around 11pm I think and I then I got woken up on the hour for temp and blood pressure til the men in white came to collect me! Down to pre-op again the nurse asking me about fasting there was a bit of confusion when I admitted to the coke. They were not impressed I quickly calculated okay last sip at 3am as there was no way I was getting off that operating table….. anyhow op went ahead last I remember again was Dublin Bay….
Came through around 11am next morning and seemed fine (to myself anyhow) I held court to three friends at around 12pm I think, all three are in different stages of breast cancer. One of the ladies Mary I had never met before was great to meet you Mary – I am sure when I look back now I must have been totally twatted when you were all talking to me. Jonas came in later on think I slept a lot in the afternoon, Mia came in for the evening shift looking back now its all sort of a blur. At this stage in the whole process I didn’t really have time to think about what had happened and was probably still out of it after the two general anesthetics. The following day had loads of visitors and I thank you all, Naomi, Liz, Lisa, Mary, Sinead, Mary Benson, Emer, Sean, Therese, Colly, Anne (if I have forgotten anyone please forgive me). Jonas and kids came in that evening (I was extremely tired at that stage) the kids eyed me very nervously especially Beca (she loved my boobs) and she wanted to see what “it” looked like I showed her my bandage and it didn’t phase her I told her she could feel it if she wanted which she gladly did and that was that. The other two girls stayed sort of clear of “it” gave me hugs etc but were quite quiet (I felt anyhow). I fell asleep in the middle of them being there, they woke me up and then left.
The following day which was a Friday was a terrible day it was like my day of dawning or realisation what had happened to me over the last few days. I stripped in the bathroom and made myself look at what was left of me. It was not a pretty picture Floppy Fiona as dangly as ever and then nothing on the other side apart from a big huge flat bandage and bruises around it all and two drains hanging off it. I felt butchered. I honestly think in hindsight think I was very naive going into the operation and really thought I would have something there when I woke up. I spent most of the day crying and falling asleep only my folks visited for a half an hour that day. Was definitely one of the lowest points of this whole cancer trip and I call it my day of mourning and I think both my body and myself needed to do it.
Saturday was a better day and I got out on Sunday after a bit of confusion and language barrier between the overseas doctors and nurses. Each day since I have been getting stronger and stronger. The way I am thinking of now is I have had my mourning its now time to get my ass in gear realise that my cancer is gone, there are plenty of people in a worse off position than me, get on with life I wont always be this butchered in body and soul and I am now ready for the next part of the road-trip. I am also so god damn happy that is over with now its a huge relief to me.
During the time in hospital I had so many well wishes, texts, messages, calls etc.etc. even in the really dark times these put a smile on my face. So many of my family being strong and being there for me Jonas, the girls, Mia, my folks, my brothers you guys have been brilliant of course along with the many friends that I am so fortunate to have in my life. I had two people who I have never met face to face before Mary and Naomi who I have met through this blog as they have been down the cancer trail – how amazing is that you can build up a relationship with someone via a blog and Facebook and become great friends and then finally get to meet – that was very special and I felt I had known them all my life!
I have been relaxing since I came home and under orders from everyone to rest-up (not really sure what that means) but am resting up way more than normal. I have been involved in a great event happening for a lovely young lady called Leah Little from Greystones who is fourteen years of age and has bone cancer. We are running a gig in the Stillorgan Orchard ont he 19th May from 4pm-10pm to raise funding for Leah to go overseas to receive vital treatment. There is a big gig happening with four great bands, The Shoos, Superfly, Stepaside and a Fistfull of Oranages admission is €10 in and it will be a great afternoon/evening for a great cause. It would be great to make this a huge success you can find out more about the event on Facebook or on www.gigforleah.com Really looking forward to this event will be the first night I will be out – mightnt be shaking my things as much as I was at the last party as I only have one to shake – but will sure give it a lash but maybe on the barstool
I have decided its time to dump Daisy my faithful rug, wig, hat over the last six months, time has come to be bare and bald and you know what it feels good! Hair is growing back still looks quite fuzzish so might have to give it one more shave but think Daisy has seen her day and might come out just the odd time now. It feels good to go out bald(ish) hey this is me, this is Dee and I am good with it
“I can see clearly now the rain has gone” will be singing “I can see clearly now the drain has gone” on Friday when they take these two Salt and Pepper huge yokes attached to me!!! These lovely new accessories can be worn casually from the hips and are on trend this season. Loads of uses such as vodka for pubs, salt n vinegar for the foodie or cocktail shakers. Hurry while stocks last.
Good things that happened this week
- Doctor said I was CANCER FREE (official results Friday)
- I woke up after two operations
- I lost around 6lbs in six hours
- I was cool, calm and collected on way to operation
- Don’ think I accosted any of the cute doctors
- Got lovely bouquet of flowers from Bentley Systems (Thanks Cassie, AnneMarie, Helen and Others)
- I got a lovely private room to myself in Vincents with en suite
- Lovely lasagna from sis-in-law Mairead on return
- Fabby Meal from the lovely Ger today – yummy
- Lovely Flowers from Lucie in Sweden
- Some great and funny Get Well Cards arriving daily
- Its SUMMER
Next stop for me now is meeting surgeon on Friday and planning the next step on the road to me Kicking the Shite out of Cancer which is radio therapy and continuing reconstruction. Summing it up it was a tough week but I’m out the other side and ready to get going again!
Its Summer Enjoy it do things you never dared do before Its fun
Hi Dee so happy to hear from you I’ve been thinking about u every day!! Talking about daring..I did and put my name down for Race for life 5k in support of cancer research uk and hope to get as much money as possible in honor to my beloved uncle..so so happy for you..you are such an inspiration…
Hi Michela good woman doing the race!!! Your uncle would be proud thanks for the wishes xx
You are such an inspiration Dee, you say it just as it is, wishing you many many years of health & happiness, As the song goes, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” & it is true x x
HI Marian yes your right what doesnt kill you makes you stronger thanks for all your support xx
You have just had a tough few weeks (only natural) and now on the road to recovery..you look amazing and can’t believe you are even out of bed..the biggest part is now behind you and it’s time to take time out, look after yourself, njoy lots of pampering and get your strength back up for the next phase..cry, scream and shout on the tough days and then laugh, play and create amazing memories on the good days. Everybody is behind you and will carry you to the end of your treatment and beyond. The sun has started to shine and p.g you will be back out living it up very soon..xxx
Thanks my lovely angel – you are one of lifes beautiful people Ger and all the support you have give us doesnt go unnoticed you have beena huge part of this and made everything so much easier xxx
So sorry you had to go through the second operation, but delighted you have come through them both so well, and sound in great form, with a new and positive outlook for the future! You’ve made it through the worst, and you’ll get through the reconstruction one step at a time! Now go out there and kick the world’s ass, girl! You rock!
One for the road eh!!! So glad its all over and onto the next step!!! Thanks Lorraine your a gem
xxx to you lovely Nancy
Rest up and heal. The worst part is behind you. Sending love and lots of hugs!
Thanks Eileen xx
That’s great to hear Dee – well done you – worst over now and best news that it’s GONE!! Sue xx
Officially gone today thank God!!! thanks Sue xx
Great to hear very thing went okay well done
Thanks a million Cathrine
great to read the blog thinking of you lots and so happy that you are cancer free and on the mend after all the chemo and 2 operations god love you I know we do!!! lots of love, strength and rest to you & love to the girls and Jonas too xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks a million Lucie and thanks for the fab flowers they are still thriving!!
Great to read Deirdre, wishing you the best!
Well done Dee!
Amazing that you are so positive so soon after the operation. I had my mastectomy before my chemo – know exactly what you felt when you look at yourself in the mirror without your boob. I also cried for a day – essentially you are grieving for a very intimate part of your body.
The whole experience is a bit like having a baby – you can read the books and hear different experiences, but until you go through it yourself, you really cannot understand how you will feel. I still hate the look of my chest and can’t wait for the full reconstruiction….but as you say the most important thing is to focus on the next stages of our recovery journey. Enjoy the pampering over the next few weeks!
Hi there – sorry not sure who I am talking to!!! Good to know I wasnt alone in my feelings but really felt that it was my day to do it and now its done and its on with it!! Hope your reconstruction will be soon for you and we will be both perky in a few months xxxx
Lovely news, Dee!!! Jonas told me today and we are all very happy for you. Well done!
Well Dee it’s been a big old long and winding road, but one thing for sure is you might be a boob down but your spirit, determination and sense of humour is still all there. Lots of Love, Health and Happiness to you, Jonas and the girls….and a big hug from Alan, who has just told me he’s quite partial to a one boobed woman!!!!