Cinderella in reverse have a dress but no Ball for me

Ah this time of year its fun, frolics, shopping, partying and Christmas parties. Not for poor ole Cinderella unfortunately had the dress, the wig, the invitation but due to bastard cancer could not go to the ball. This is my middle week my cocoon week where I stay indoors for fear of picking up infections that will leave me in hospital – seriously the last place you wanna end up is in hospital for Christmas. Had a feeling sorry for myself day as trudged around the house painting anything I could see that was wooden white. However my bedroom is nearly done and starting to look like somewhere I can go and relax.

Been a funny old week since last talking to you when I was drugged out of my head and high as a kite on Steroids and God knows what else :-) Had the house to myself as hubby and kids were in Sweden which was great. Love having the house to myself the sound of silence is golden to an otherwise nutty house. However was hearing a few noises and thought the ole mice were returning but I think I was hallucinating. Its funny when your on steroids you feel like you are totally disconnected you could be mid sentance then have to ask someone what you were talking about. Got well looked after by friends coming to bring me food and water :-)

Had a great start to the week on Monday morning left the house at 7.30 driving merrily along into Dublin driving down the Quays then smoke billowed out of the bonnet of the car luckily I was able to pull into a parking spot. Now will put my hands up am totally clueless when it comes to cars just sat in the car cursing (not for long though as had to hop out thought the car was going to blow up). A lovely man came to my rescue (Polish I would say and quite cute too!!) and asked me to open the bonnet was impressed I knew where that button was. He asked me if there was much water in the car I said no I just drank the last drop – he said I mean in your engine ;-) sorry I said no idea, he said is there anti-freeze in it again I said sorry no idea. Hey I just turn the ignition on and drive surely its a mans job to ensure that the family car is up to speed?? Off I went in search of water it was a really windy and cold day managed to find a garage and four litres of Ballygowan (still) not sure if the engine would like sparkling. (note to self wear a hat with your wig as by Jesus the wind whistles through that wig) My new friend put the water in and after three litres the pipe broke – wooohooo happy days.

Called breakdown via insurance and they said they would be there within an hour which they were (an hour on the dot). Lovely guy picked me up (and the car) hopped into the tow truck he really was a lovely guy and he felt sorry for me he felt even sorrier for me when I told him I had cancer – not sure how that popped out but I think I just wanted sympathy and maybe a few quid off the bill. He drove me up to their garage in Summerhill told Siobhan the receptionist to look after me (think he told her I was sick) she was so nice gave up her chair and made sure I was warm and chatted away merrily to me for half an hour. Decent Dubs these were place is called Talbot Motors if you ever get stuck in Dublin no rip-off merchants good honest business. The guy fixed the car up and said that I would probably get home but he couldn’t guarantee it – wasnt taking any chances I said no will get it towed home and me with it. Siobhan said listen I will see what I can do for you after a bit of haggling she said she got them to do it for €120 – thanks cancer card. Went off in search of a coffee shop ended up near Dorset Street (I think) bit of a mad part of town ended up nearly in O’Connell Street to get a bit of heat. I could have gone playing poker or had a Chinese meal in one of the many Bamboo Huts that I seemed to pass or even had a drink in an early house but I wasnt really in the mood! I’m waffling on finally after brekkie in one coffee shop another coffee in a pub finally got the call that my chariot awaited me. Lovely young fellah drove me and the car behind us back to Clane arrived back in style at 2pm been a long and wasted day especially when not feeling so good, sat on the couch and immediately fell asleep for two hours.

Rest of week was sort of a blur felt fairly sick this time and every time I either sat down or lay down immediately fell asleep. They say the further you get into chemo treatments the more the fatigue hits you, well it certainly hit me sleeping in the afternoons and in bed by 9pm and having mad mad mad dreams, woke myself up in one cracking up laughing huge belly laughs it was scary shit!! My mouth for the whole week felt like Ghandis Left Foot and no matter what I ate whether it be Caviar or Cornflakes it still tasted the same. Did loads of Christmas shopping online for the kids and nearly have it all sorted :-) Didnt realise Smyths did complete online shopping, fecking deadly and free delivery I mean I want to go and shop in Smyths – said no one EVER.

Now I am feeling much better – yippee coming into my “up” stage again so in great form apart from the boredom and chubb lock on the door in case I escape. Love going into this phase of the cycle feels just so great to feel normal again. Heading out on Friday with a local business group I am involved with so that will be great craic and will be in great form for it – bring it on!!!! Have my eye on a bright pink wig for the occasion.

Through this blog have met a lovely girl called Cait who unfortunately is going through cancer for a second time and is only a young girl of 31 with three very small children. After having her hair back she is unfortunately going to lose it again – however this time her sister Sinead is doing the head shave as well on the 29th December in Sally O’Briends in Arklow – check out their Facebook Page for more details. They are raising money for Cancer Awareness.

Got a really cool pressie during the week from friends of mine Karen and Andrew. The message on the card was go out and eat instead of cook – sounds like a plan. Was going to go out last night but told the kids would bring them for brekkie today instead (looks like its gonna be lunch). Eddie Rockets here we come I can just see those sliders in front of me. One thing I hate about Eddie Rockets is that crap they put on the chips so go mad if I forget to tell them to take it off – I mean salt and vinegar goes on chip not some paprika or whatever it is. After Eddies its dig the Christmas tree out of the attic, attempt to rouse the hubby to put the lights up (out at Christmas party last night)

Good things that happened this week

  • My great sister in law Mairead came up for a few hours to help me out and came with coffee and mince pies – thanks a million
  • Thanks Anne for the M&S for two meal and company last Saturday
  • Thanks Reenagh for the yummy TBone steak meal you dropped up to me on Sunday
  • Oh yeah finally paid my TV licence and somehow or other got an extra year
  • Car is back on the road and pocket is €420 lighter :-(
  • Thanks Michelle M for the phone call and advise on plastics :-)
  • Its beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

Thats it folks sorry if it all sounds a bit depressing but people said I am allowed to have the odd self pity time as well as the up times. My positivity is still there and is billowing out of me just like the smoke in my car. Gloves still on just awaiting the fourth round which will be the 20th December to nuke these fuckers.

Have fun til we meet again enjoy the festivities and the Christmas Spirit

Dee xx

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11 Responses to Cinderella in reverse have a dress but no Ball for me

  1. Karen Free says:

    Hi Dee – meant to post this a few weeks ago but to be honest was still getting over the shock of my whole boob experience!!!
    I started reading your blog and that little voice in my head started talking at the same time – go get it checked. Anyhow after a long conversation with myself I didnt but your blogs kept coming – must have signed up to your updates – lol!!!
    Anyhow the boobs started to bother me in such a way that I could no longer avoid it – they actually went up a few sizes!!! Now I know most of you would say happy days but…..the voice (aka Dee’s blog) kept saying “get it checked!!”.
    So off I went to Dr Fiona – fab woman who hmmmmed and hummed and said off to the Breast Check Unit in James with you! Now I have to state here – for the record – Dee your courage and previous posts helped me actually walk in that door that day. When they say life flashes before you – it doesn’t – your kids do :-( ((.
    The unit in James is lovely – calm peaceful all women united in a mutual worry – do I or don’t I have cancer??? The staff also just deal with you in the right way like you are a little frightened kitten that might bolt at any moment.
    GREAT NEWS – I don’t have cancer – I have some condition called fibro something or other – it is painful, uncomfortable but that is ALL.
    THANKS TO DEE – I now know that – THANKS TO DEE I listened to the voice in my head. THANKS TO DEE my worries are calmed and I can look at my boys without wondering.
    I would never have has the courage to find out – I would have stayed worried and stressed – you are an amazing woman and mother. Your story – its real – honest and gutsy – you helped me give myself a kick up the arse!!
    I will continue to follow your story because I know you will kick the shite out of cancer and if you ever get too tired to lift that foot – give me a shout cos I am pretty good at kicking myself!!!

    From a 34C who is now a 38D (yes you read it correctly!!) – lots of love and positive thoughts.

  2. Suzie says:

    Lovely read again d, u r allowed as many self pity moments as u want, I think u damn well earned them….. As for the Cinderella dress, u will go to the ball, it may b next year but u will get there…. U r still an amazing person, keep it up x

  3. You may have been feeling shit and thought this was depressing but I am still laughing at you telling the guy you had drank the last drop of water in the car!!!!!!!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Hi Dee your blog is brilliant as usual. Great to chat with you. M xx

  5. Loving your blog Dee,keep it up xx

  6. Anonymous says:

    HI deirdre, been meaning to send you a message for the longest time. Have been reading your blog and think it’s a wonderful idea! Therapeutic for you and inspiring for those who have been diagnosed with cancer and also for those who have not (yet). I have a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer in Sept and have a friend diagnosed in Nov with an incurable, but treatable, cancer of the blood. You will possibly never find out just how many people will have gotten’a lift’ from reading your blog. Well done! Just wishing you all the very best and a speedy recovery, oh and hurry up and write some more!!! Catherine (Flan) xx

    • Deirdre says:

      Hi Catherine ah thanks a million for your kind comments they really mean a lot. I know a lot of people read it and its nice to get feedback – yes its really good for me and have met so many nice new “cancer friends” through this its great :-) Hope your friends do as well as I am doing :-) Thanks again Flan xxx