Seriously don’t know the answer to which is worst having cancer or knowing that there are mice in your house? I really really really hate mice (could have a bath with a thousand spiders and it wouldn’t bother me) but mice!!!
Always seem to get mice in milestones of my life on all three pregnancies there were mice in the house. Was more scared of the thoughts of the mice than the labour! Weird as there were never mice when I wasnt pregnant. Maybe the mice have come in, firstly to piss me off and secondly to show that at the end of this mouse race something really good will become of it? OMG could Guardian Angels be mice? Nah didnt think so In the meantime I will listen to the little bastards in the walls and the ceiling until my exterminator brother-in-law Philip comes down with all the gear! Mice are more on my mind at the moment than cancer.
Anyhow enough of mice! Well my photo shoot went great was brilliant fun and great to meet all the girls and get seriously pampered. Felt in good health the whole day and thanks Martina for lift there and back. We were all up getting our makeup on around seven women and a few were yapping (as us women do) someone was mentioning something or other and I mentioned having breast cancer. It was amazing four of the women were like “wow I read your blog its cool” great to know that people are reading it. Still quite amazed people actually read it.
This photo shoot meant a lot to me – it was good for my soul and well-being. It was great to see the finished result and I looked pretty ok and felt fantastic. Its sad in a way as well it was like me earmarking a time in my life that I looked a certain way and in around ten days I will look a different way and those two boobs will never be photographed again together That makes me sad thinking about that - those two have been together a long time and are a couple! After coming home that evening I think a lot of things started sinking in, silly things like “wow I’m sick” (you would think I would have realised that before now). Up till now it been like one big whirlwind and one big everyone loves me club and I have enjoyed and lapped up all the love and support – felt like it was my birthday. Photograper was the great Elaine Laverty
Was doing okay yesterday morning managed to rally the kids dropped them to school and do a bit of work. The feeling you have is like you are just dragging yourself around from place to place and seriously not 100% with it. Time sort of stands still and you are in a little bubble of your own. I had one main thing to do yesterday that was to finally finish the paperwork for Medical Card. I must say I will be so pissed off if I don’t get this. When I wrote the covering letter I told them I had never once had a medical card and never once had one social welfare payment from the Government and that I certainly hopped that they would be able to issue me with a medical card in my circumstances. So fingers crossed. Its funny financials come into everything you call the hospital and say not feeling great they say pop into your GP and get a prescription for that. Thats fine but its €50 a pop to “pop” into the GP – it all gets a bit mad. As I said before not going to look at the financial problems they will still be there and I don’t give a mouses dropping!
I have been thinking a lot about priorities in life since getting cancer. I am usually a dynamo work wise, can’t sit still, work like mad, everything new thing I see could be a new business venture, toss and turn in sleep thinking about new ideas or work I have on my plate. Now I have decided that for once in my life I am going to look after ME no more martyr to myself or work – just little old me gonna get my sick ass better. Whereas it is all about me to get better but I am getting better not only for me but for my kids.
Bit all over the place on this blog today – it matches my head space. When I write this I don’t go back and edit it just check the spelling – otherwise nothing would get published.
Where was I?………………..oh yeah Cancer
Well last night was the worst night so far and felt very sorry for myself. Having terrible indigestion problems and honestly I brought a new meaning to the word loud burp. Was like a fog horn and felt my whole throat constricting trying to get air into my lungs. Woke up at 2.25 then down to the couch to try to relax, no luck, then my worst fear I got sick, not once but twice……..now this I hate. Felt like a sack of crap this morning, Katie the eldest did all the lunches and managed to get the other two up and moving and my brother brought them to school. Been trying to relax ever since - will try to go aslepe after this. So its tea and toast (beloved coffee can’t taste) actually cant taste anything any more – which probably wont make a difference to me as am a crap cook anyhow!
Logged onto PC and got a lovely message via this Blog from a lady who I didn’t know but she had read my blog. She told me that she had breast cancer twice in same boob different cancer five years apart. Happy as pig in shit now and gave me some great tips to help with food etc.etc. this gave me a great boost and made me try not feel sorry for myself. I took my i’m sorry for myself hat off – so glad I did as its pink and I hate pink!
Another friend of mine Eileen Donoghue who is a fitness instructor messaged me this
”i had a class of 20 ladies on sat they were in the middle of doing a kettlebell routine and moaning like fuck…they asked me why did i have the candle lighting so i told them not to stop moving the kettlebells till i told them your story and i said im lighting it every day so when im havin a stupid moan i look at the candle and get a grip. after class they all said the candle burning for you made them want to gt fitter and realise why they got up off the couch to come and train to try improve their health”
Deadly isnt it
One last thing just remembered…… yesterday was in the local cafe after picking up the little one and waiting for the next one to be collected. My first “ignoring” instance – I knew this “Mummy” knew I had cancer and I swear to God it was so obvious that she just totally avoided me – and you know what never liked her in the first place she was a right wagon – you see now I just proved it