Well time for the results….. what was I thinking it’s quite strange as I am such a positive person and really wanted positive results but knew in my gut the minute before I walked into the doctors that there was something wrong.
Anyhow Doctor and Nurse got my file out and said “well I think you knew last week we were worried about you – the findings have come back that you do have cancer in your right breast”…….oooh okay…..just sat rooted to my seat – he went on to say blah blah blah and said there is a chance it is elsewhere – I had the CT scan from Naas burned onto a disc and said I have the CT scan here so you can check it – had googled and new CT scans would show up if there was cancer – anyhow he took the disc.
Also all of sudden then I said “so do you mean I might have to have a mastectomy?, yes he said most definitely you will be having a mastectomy - the cancer is quite large and you will undergo chemo first then the mastectomy” I said “oh ok” then he asked have you thought about who you want for an Oncologist? Was thinking to myself what a stupid fucking question how was I supposed to know the answer to that – said to him “I don’t even know what an Oncologist is” he explained to me what it was!!
Was then brought down to a nurses room with a lovely nurse called Gillian she explained to us for around 30 minutes what all this meant. In the course of this she went back to the doctor to see if he had checked my CT scan which he had and thankfully it was ALL CLEAR was so happy about that after the many years I spent as a smoker!
As she was explaining things all of a sudden again I said – does this mean I am going to lose my hair? She said yes unfortunately you will most definitely – holy shit gonna be bald too – with all this information your mind is in a blur.
OK so that’s that – after an hour been told have cancer, going to lose a boob and my hair – a lot to take in!!!
Immediately texted close friends and family with the news as I knew they were all waiting. Felt then straight after should have rang my sister instead wasnt thinking straight rang her and she was so upset on the phone so I think we both had a cry not sure tbh.
Mia came down to visit that evening for an hour or two.
That night bought myself a nice bottle of wine which sadly couldnt taste properly as was still on drugs for tummy things – but I had spritzers instead and was determined was gonna murder every last drop in that bottle. I didn’t really have any plans on how or when to tell people. Worst thing was my folks were away for two weeks holidays so couldnt and of course wouldn’t tell them while they were away. Anyhow went on to FB and contacted a few friends privately and told them. In the meantime my phone was hopping but didn’t feel like talking to anyone.
Did I cry that day – oh yeah by 11pm the emotions and the alcohol were doing the trick and had a good old cry – more sort of fits and starts of crying tears as opposed to weeping and wailing!!!
Rest of that weekend to be honest is just sort of total blur can’t hardly remember what I did.